SCHLOCK TREATMENT
(2006-2011)
From December 2006
to 2011 I introduced public domain drive-in and B-grade genre movies
on Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights, on Brisbane's Channel 31
community TV station. I inherited Schlock Treatment from its former
hosts who had left the station under a dark cloud. I was determined
to save the program from the usual creaky Creature Features and bring
my encyclopedic nerd-dom to the introductions. Our new mantra became
“from B-Grade to Z-Grade classics and anti-classics, from sci fi,
horror and kung fu flicks to dwarfsploitation and Christian gore
movies...” I was the so-called Evil Brain who programmed the films,
wrote the introductions and performed them to camera (usually from
behind the Trash Video counter, unless I was sick or the shop had
closed down!), and future Briz 31 head programmer Scott Black filmed
and edited each segment. In retrospect it was an enormous amount of
work – around four hours prep for each movie, and we played
hundreds of them – for very little visible reward.
Still, it was a free
weekly advert for the shop, and produced a small mountain of written
reviews by yours truly, and even if Scott and I don’t speak any
more, it was a most rewarding partnership while it lasted. I’m also
proud of the fact that our July 2007 broadcast of For Y’ur Height
Only is still the single highest rating show on Briz 31 EVER with
over 150,000 viewers that evening; those Weng Weng intros – click
on the Youtube links to For Y’ur Height Only, The Impossible Kid
and D’Wild Wild Weng Parts One and Two - were later edited together
to create “The Weng Weng Story” for the German DVD release of For
Y’ur Height Only. People still quote their favourite episodes to me
to this day, so I guess we made our boring little capital city that
little bit more interesting.
SEASON ONE: December
2006 to September 2008. The Golden Years of Schlock Treatment, each
week a unique double or triple bill.
SEASON TWO: November
2009 to January 2010. Stocking filler for Briz 31’s Christmas 2009
program, revamped to single movies (which thankfully meant less work
for all concerned!).
SEASON THREE: May to
December 2010. Program-wise my favourite period – the shop was
slowly going under and the show no longer worked as an advertorial,
so I had no-one to please other than myself. Thus the choice of
movies became so eclectic and a reflection of my divergent tastes, I
can’t imagine we had too many viewers by the end of our relatively
short run. Self-sabotage? Falling too far down the filmic rabbit
hole? Yes, but why the hell not.
SEASON FOUR: May
2011. Just four episodes only, the start of Scott Black’s idea for
single month blocks of Schlock Treatment, with intros filmed at Briz
31 studios. I think we both knew it was the end of the show; Trash
Video had closed the previous year, I was sinking into a black hole
at the time, and Scott was more concerned with his own Briz 31 talk
show. We talked about a Season Five for Christmas 2011 and I even
wrote the first four introductions, but we had a massive falling out,
and it was finally Schlock Treatment RIP.
APOCALYPSE MAO: In
late 2007 Scott and I also shot over a single mad day a total of five
60 second Trash Video commercials (one of which was never edited)
which screened between Schlock Treatment a number of times over the
following year. Each advert was a parody of Jean-Luc Godard and films
by the French Situationists, filmed in black and white and in French
with English subtitles. To this day I wonder about the lost
opportunity to genuinely promote my business - WHAT WAS I THINKING???
Scott edited the four clips into a single short called “Apocalypse
Mao, Or The Revolution Will Not Be Available On DVD”, which
screened in public once at Schlockfest in Brisbane in late 2007.
Please click for the Youtube links:
SEASON ONE
22/12/06: Santa
Claus (1959) / Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
29/12/06: Carnival
Of Souls (1962) / Lisa And The Devil (Mario Bava, 1973)
05/01/07: The Fast
And The Furious (1954) / The Wild Ride (1960)
12/01/07: Assassin
Of Youth (1937) / Marijuana The Weed With Roots In Hell (1936) /
Reefer Madness (1936)
19/01/07: First
Spaceship On Venus (1960) / Assignment: Outer Space (1960)
26/01/07: A Bullet
For The General (1967) / Boot Hill (1969)
02/02/07: Duel Of
The Iron Fist (1971) / Ninja The Protector (1986)
09/02/07: Nosferatu
(1922) / Fangs Of The Living Dead (1968)
16/02/07: Horrors Of
Spider Island (1960) / King Of Kong Island (1968)
23/02/07: Beast From
Haunted Cave (1959) / The Atomic Brain (1964) / The Amazing
Transparent Man (1960)
02/03/07: The Street
Fighter (Sonny Chiba, 1974) / Champ Against Champ (Dragon Lee, 1983)
09/03/07: I Walked
With A Zombie (1943) / Night Of The Living Dead (1968) / White Zombie
(1932)
16/03/07: Incubus
(William Shatner, 1965) / Hercules Goes Bananas (Arnold
Schwarzenegger, 1970)
23/03/07: A Town
Called Bastard (1971) / Five For Hell (1968)
30/03/07: Return Of
The Street Fighter (Sonny Chiba, 1974) / The Dragon Lives Again
(1977)
06/04/07: The Giant
Of Metropolis (1961) / The Last Days Of Pompeii (1959)
13/04/07: The Brain
Eaters (1958) / The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962) / The Brain From
Planet Arous (1957)
20/04/07: Blood
Creature (Philippines, 1959) / Cry Of The Bewitched (Mexico, 1957)
27/04/07: Sister
Street Fighter (1974) / TNT Jackson (1974)
04/05/07: Nightmare
Castle (1965) / Lady Frankenstein (1971)
11/05/07: Texas
Adios (1966) / Keoma (1976)
18/05/07: The
Astounding She-Monster (1957) / The Wasp Woman (1960) / Cat-Women Of
The Moon (1953)
25/05/07: The Street
Fighter's Last Revenge (1974) / The Good The Bad And The Loser (1976)
02/06/07: Gamera
(1965) / Warning From Space (1956)
09/06/07: The Blood
Drinkers (1964) / Brides Of Blood (1968)
16/06/07: Detour
(1945) / The Godfather Squad (1974)
23/06/07: Freaks
(1932) / The Terror Of Tiny Town (1938) / Chained For Life (1951)
30/06/07: Destroy
All Planets (1968) / The X From Outer Space (1967)
07/07/07: A Bullet
For Sandoval (1969) / The Battle Of The Last Panzer (1969)
14/07/07: Fall Of
The House Of Usher (1960) / The Last Man On Earth (1964)
21/07/07: WENG WENG
in For Y'ur Height Only (1981) / Mad Doctor Of Blood Island (1968)
28/07/07: WENG WENG
in The Impossible Kid (1981) / Beast Of Blood (1969)
03/08/07: Run Man
Run (1968) / Four Of The Apocalypse (Lucuo Fulci, 1975)
10/08/07: Battle Of
The Worlds (1961) / The Galaxy Invader (1985)
17/08/07: Bruce Lee
Fights Back From The Grave (1976) / Clones Of Bruce Lee (1977)
24/08/07: Shriek Of
The Mutilated (1974) / Claw Of Terror (1973)
31/08/07: Torture
Chamber Of Dr Sadism (1967) / Bloody Pit Of Horror (1965)
07/09/07: Curse Of
The Vampires (1966) / WENG WENG in D'Wild Wild Weng (1982)
14/09/07: A Bucket
Of Blood (1959) / The Little Shop Of Horrors (1960)
21/09/07: ARCH HALL
JR's Wild Guitar (1962) / The Sadist (1963)
28/09/07: Werewolf
In A Girl's Dormitory (1961) / The Beast Of The Yellow Night (1971)
05/10/07: ARCH HALL
Jr's Eegah! (1962) / Nasty Rabbit (1964)
12/10/07: Santo In
The Wax Museum (1963) / Wrestling Women vs The Aztec Ape (1962) /
Curse Of The Aztec Mummy (1958)
19/10/07: They Call
Me Trinity (1970) / My Name Is Nobody (1974)
26/10/07: Blood
Thirst (1971) / Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1971) / Horror Of The
Zombies (1974)
02/11/07: ED WOOD
Jr's Bride Of The Monster (1955) / Jailbait (1954) / The Bride And
The Beast (1958)
09/11/07: The
Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up
Zombies (Ray Dennis Steckler, 1963) / The Eye Creatures (Larry
Buchanan, 1965) / The Choppers (Arch Hall Jr, 1961)
16/11/07: ED WOOD
Jr's Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956) / Night Of The Ghouls (1959) /
The Violent Years (1956)
23/11/07: The Thrill
Killers (Ray Dennis Steckler, 1964) / Zontar The Thing From Venus
(Larry Buchanan, 1966) / Deadwood '76 (Arch Hall Jr, 1965)
30/11/07: ED WOOD
Jr's Glen Or Glenda (1953) / The Sinister Urge (1960) / Orgy Of The
Dead (1965)
07/12/07: Santo vs
The Vampire Women (1962) / Santo vs The Zombies (1961)
14/12/07: Trinity Is
Still My Name (1971) / It Can Be Done Amigo (1972)
21/12/07: Little Red
Riding Hood And The Monsters (Mexico, 1962) / If The Footmen Tire You
What Will Horses Do? (Baptist gore from Ron Ormond, 1971) / The
Burning Hell (more crazed Ormond, 1974)
28/12/07: Robot
Monster (1953) / They Saved Hitler's Brain (1963) / The Beast Of
Yucca Flats (1961)
04/01/08: Santo In
The Vengeance Of The Mummy (1971) / Wrestling Women vs The Aztec
Mummy (1964)
11/01/08: JESS
FRANCO's The Secret Of Dr Orloff (1964) / Attack Of The Robots (1966)
18/01/08: Cavalry
Command (1957) / The Walls Of Hell (1964)
25/01/08: Sonny
Chiba's Dragon Princess (1981) / Devil's Express (1976)
01/02/08: DUSK TILL
DAWN MARATHON!
08/02/08: Attack Of
The Crab Monsters (1957) / The Terror (1963)
15/02/08: Santo In
The Treasure Of Dracula (1968) / The Vampire (1957)
22/02/08: SEX
EDUCATION Spectacular! Tomorrow's Children (1934) / Pick-Up (1944) /
VD Every 30 Seconds (1974) / Girls Beware & Boys Beware (1961) /
It's Wonderful Being A Girl (1966)
29/02/08: The Rebel
Rousers (1967) / Acapulco Gold (1973)
07/03/08: Crypt Of
Horror (1964) / Curse Of The Devil (1973)
14/03/08: Santo vs
The Martian Invasion (1967) / The Brainiac (1961)
21/03/08: WAR ON
DRUGSPLOITATION! Drugs Are Like That (1970) / The Terrible Truth
(1951) / LSD 25 (1967) / Narcotics: Pit Of Despair (1967) / Beat Girl
(1960)
28/03/08: FRANCIS
FORD COPPOLA's Dementia 13 (1963) / Battle Beyond The Sun (1963)
04/04/08: BAD KUNG
FU DOUBLE Force Four (1975)/Sonny Chiba: The Bodyguard (1976)
11/04/08: MEXICAN
MADNESS DOUBLE Santo vs Dr Death (1973) / The Curse Of Nostradamus
(1961)
18/04/08: JACK
NICHOLSON IN THE PHILIPPINES DOUBLE Flight To Fury (1964) / Back Door
To Hell (1964)
25/04/08: POP
CULTURE GONE TROPPO DOUBLE The Wild World Of Batwoman (1966) / The
Turkish Star Wars (1982)
02/05/08: YOUNG
DENNIS HOPPER DOUBLE! Night Tide (1961) / Queen Of Blood (1966)
09/05/08: MORE
MEXICAN MADNESS! Neutron vs The Death Robots (1962) / The Living Head
(1963)
16/05/08: Maniac
(1934) / Sex Madness (1938) / She Shoulda Said No! (1949)
23/05/08: Jesse
James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966) / Frankenstein Meets The
Space Monster (1965)
30/05/08: MAD BAD
KUNG FU! Bruce Lee vs Supermen (1975) / Swordsman With An Umbrella
(1970)
06/06/08 to 04/07/08: BEST OF SCHLOCK TREATMENT
11/07/08: Rat Pfink
A Boo Boo (1966) / The Curse Of The Living Corpse (1964)
18/07/08: Santo And
Blue Demon vs Dracula And The Wolf Man (1972) / Santo Attacks The
Witches (1964)
25/07/08: The
Horrors Of Party Beach (1964) / The Lemon Grove Kids Meet The
Monsters (1965/69)
02/08/08: MARIO
BAVA's The Whip And The Body (1963) / Hercules In The Haunted World
(1961)
09/08/08: Death
Rides A Horse (1967) / Battle Of The Damned (1969)
16/08/08: Superargo
And The Faceless Giants (1968) / War Between The Planets (1966)
23/08/08: RICCARDO
FREDA's The Horrible Dr Hitchcock (1962) / The Witch's Curse (1962)
30/08/08: Santo And
The Blue Demon vs Dr Frankenstein (1974) / The Vampire's Coffin
(1958)
06/09/08: The
Turkish Superman (1979) / Primitives (1978)
13/09/08: The
Killing Machine (1975) / Raw Force (1982)
20/09/08: The
Creation Of The Humanoids (1962) / Mesa Of Lost Women (1953)
27/09/08: Time Of
The Apes (1974) / No Blood No Surrender (1986)
SEASON TWO
08/11/09: Santo vs
The Mummies Of Guanajuato (1972)
15/11/09: James
Batman (Philippines, 1966)
22/11/09: Golden
Eagle (Thailand, 1970)
29/11/09: The
Turkish Santo & Captain America vs Spiderman (1973)
06/12/09: 666 Beware
The End Is At Hand (2007)
13/12/09: Schlock
Treatment's End Of Innocence - Classroom Scare Films 1950-1982
20/12/09: Silent
Night Bloody Night (1973)
27/12/09: Boy God
(1982)
03/01/10: Invasion
Of The Bee Girls (1973)
10/01/10: Vengeance
Of The Zombies (1973)
17/01/10 to
31/01/10: BEST OF SCHLOCK TREATMENT
SEASON THREE
16/05/10: The
Incredible 2-Headed Transplant (1971)
23/05/10: The Rats
Are Coming, The Werewolves Are Here (1972)
30/05/10: Darna vs
The Planet Women (1975)
06/06/10: Kiss
Kiss...Kill Kill (1966)
13/06/10: Santo In
Operation 67 (1966)
20/06/10: Visible
Agent 000 (Greece, 1967)
27/06/10: Kuwait
Connection (Egypt, 1973)
04/07/10: How To
Undress In Front Of Your Husband (1937) / Sinister Menace (1930) /
Narcotic (1933)
11/07/10: The Face
At The Window (1939)
18/07/10: Alice In
Wonderland (1915) / The Sealed Room (1909) / The Student Of Prague
(1913)
25/07/10: The Dybbuk
(1937)
01/08/10: Wolf Devil
Woman (1982)
08/08/10: Eyes Of
The Condor (1984)
15/08/10: The Telugu
Superman (1980)
22/08/10: Special
Silencers (1979)
29/08/10: Alyas
Batman En Robin (1991)
05/09/10: The
Satanic Rites Of Dracula (1973)
12/09/10: They Came
From Beyond Space (1966)
19/09/10: Sweeny
Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (1936)
26/09/10:
Psychomania (1973)
03/10/10: Santo And
Blue Demon vs The Monsters (1969)
10/10/10: The Curse
Of The Crying Woman (1963)
17/10/10: Batwoman
(Mexico, 1967)
24/10/10: Puss 'n
Boots (1961)
31/10/10: Horror
Express (1972)
07/11/10: Child
Bride (1938)
14/11/10: Magic Of
The Universe (1986)
21/11/10: 666 The
End Is At Hand 2 (2007)
28/11/10: The Lady
Of The Black Moons (1971)
05/12/10: Return OfThe Evil Dead (1973)
12/12/10: Revenge Of The Zombies (1943) / Valley Of The Zombies (1946)
19/12/10: War Of The Zombies (1964)
26/12/10: Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny (1972)
SEASON FOUR
01/05/11: Titans Of The Ring (1973)
15/05/11: Gunmaster G9 In Surakksha (1979)
22/05/11: Arcana(1972)
29/05/11: Little Boy Blue, Tiny Terrestrial (1991)
SEASON FIVE (NEVER
BROADCAST)
Avenging Warrior Woman 2 (Mexican Narco Action, 1991)
Commando (Hindi
Ninjas, 1988)
End Of The Wicked
(Nigerian Godsploitation, 1999)
Ghost Of Guts Eater (Thai Horror, 1973)
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